Introduction
Success is a seductive idea.
It’s the promotions, the milestones, the trophies you collect to prove you’ve done something worthwhile.
But here’s the problem: the standard definition of success often doesn’t include you.
It’s built on other people’s expectations, old programming, and a hunger for validation that never quite goes away.
If you’ve achieved what you were supposed to—and still feel hollow—it’s time to redefine success on your own terms.
This post is about how to do that without burning everything down or losing yourself in the process.
Step 1: Acknowledge Where Your Definition Came From
Most of us inherit our first blueprint for success.
Parents who valued stability over curiosity
Cultures that rewarded achievement over presence
Bosses who measured worth in billable hours
None of this is inherently wrong. But if you never examine where your standards came from, you’ll keep chasing goals that don’t fit.
Ask yourself:
Who decided this was success?
Does this definition still serve me?
What have I been measuring that doesn’t matter to me anymore?
Naming the origin of your beliefs gives you the freedom to update them.
Step 2: Identify What You Actually Want
This is the part most people skip—because it’s uncomfortable to admit you don’t know.
If you’re unsure, look for clues:
What activities leave you feeling clear and energized?
When do you feel most like yourself?
What are you doing when you forget to check your phone?
Which relationships feel nourishing, not obligatory?
Write down what comes up, even if it’s messy. Clarity rarely arrives fully formed.
Step 3: Define Success in Multiple Dimensions
If you measure success in one area (career, income, appearance), you’ll always feel unbalanced.
Instead, consider a multidimensional framework:
Health
Relationships
Creativity
Contribution
Freedom
Learning
Ask yourself:
What does success look like in each dimension?
What would enough feel like—not just look like?
Your life doesn’t need to be optimized in every area at once. But you do need to define what matters.
Step 4: Create Metrics That Feel Grounded
Replace vague aspirations with tangible indicators.
Examples:
Instead of “be healthier,” try “move my body four times a week in ways I enjoy.”
Instead of “make more money,” try “cover my needs comfortably while funding future goals.”
Instead of “be successful,” try “do work I respect with people I respect.”
Good metrics are specific, measurable, and rooted in your values—not just ambition.
Step 5: Audit Your Commitments
Look at your calendar and your obligations.
Ask:
What am I doing out of obligation?
What am I doing because I think I “should”?
What genuinely contributes to the life I want?
This step often reveals the disconnect between your stated priorities and your lived ones.
Step 6: Make Space for Redefinition
You can’t design a life you want if you’re too exhausted to think clearly.
Block out time—an afternoon, a weekend, a week—to reflect and recalibrate.
Use this time to:
Review what’s working
Name what’s not
Imagine what could be different
You don’t need to fix everything. But you do need room to start.
Step 7: Share Your New Definition Carefully
When you redefine success, some people will feel threatened or confused.
You’re allowed to keep parts of your vision private until you’re ready.
When you do share, be clear:
“I’ve been rethinking what success means to me. Here’s what I’m focusing on now.”
You don’t owe anyone justification.
Step 8: Let It Be Iterative
Your definition of success will evolve.
What feels right in this season might shift in the next.
Instead of seeing that as failure, treat it as evidence of growth.
Check in quarterly or annually:
Does this still feel true?
Where do I need to adjust?
What needs to be released or added?
This is how you build a life that stays alive with you.
Final Thought
Redefining success isn’t an overnight epiphany. It’s an ongoing practice of choosing yourself over other people’s expectations.
You’re allowed to design a life that feels good to live—not just one that looks good from the outside.
Start where you are. Choose what matters. Build from there.
— Sloane MacRae
