Introduction
You check your bank account and wince. Again. The numbers don’t line up with your memory of the month.
You scroll back through transactions and see nothing extravagant—just regular life. A few too many takeout orders. That refill at the pharmacy. Groceries that somehow cost more than last month. A subscription you forgot about. A splurge on skincare because you were exhausted.
Suddenly, it’s gone. And you’re asking the question so many women whisper to themselves but rarely say out loud:
Where did the money go?
This post isn’t about guilt. It’s about clarity—how to audit your spending patterns in a way that’s honest, actionable, and entirely free from shame.
Why Most People Avoid Spending Reviews
Avoidance doesn’t mean you don’t care. It often means:
You’re afraid of confirming a worst-case scenario
You’re tired of being judged by numbers
You’re afraid of triggering scarcity spirals
You don’t want to confront decisions made from stress, fatigue, or survival
But clarity is a kindness. When you know what’s happening with your money, you can respond—not just react.
Step 1: Set the Tone Before You Open the Statements
Before you start your audit, ground yourself.
This is not a trial.
You are not looking for failure.
You are gathering data.
Create a space—quiet, distraction-free, no rush. Bring a notebook or spreadsheet. Set a timer if you tend to spiral. Decide ahead of time that you’re looking for patterns, not punishments.
If emotions come up, notice them. Let them move. Then come back to the numbers.
Step 2: Choose a Realistic Time Window
A full-year review is overwhelming. A single week might not show enough.
For most people, a 30–90 day snapshot is ideal. It gives you enough data to spot patterns, without becoming an excavation site.
Pull the following:
Bank statements
Credit card statements
Cash app or PayPal transaction history
Receipts from any known large expenses
This isn’t about perfect tracking. It’s about visibility.
Step 3: Categorize Spending Into Patterns, Not Just Line Items
Most budget tools categorize automatically: groceries, entertainment, utilities. But that doesn’t tell the whole story.
Create categories that reflect real-life emotional and behavioral spending. For example:
Essential & Fixed
Rent/mortgage
Utilities
Groceries
Insurance
Transportation
Minimum debt payments
Emotional & Impulse
Stress spending
Retail therapy
Food convenience (takeout from decision fatigue)
“Treats” after hard days
Numbing or Avoidance
Scrolling purchases
Unopened online orders
Late-night transactions
Maintenance & Wellbeing
Therapy, supplements, gym memberships, skincare, self-development
Subscriptions & Autopilot Spending
Streaming services, memberships, domain renewals, forgotten app charges
Expansion & Growth
Education, coaching, software for business, investments
You’re not just logging expenses. You’re understanding your relationship with money.
Step 4: Identify What Feels Aligned—And What Doesn’t
Once your transactions are sorted, step back and ask:
Which spending felt supportive?
Which felt automatic?
Which felt like a leak or stress response?
Which helped me move closer to the life I want?
This is where your values meet your financial behavior. The goal isn’t to eliminate pleasure or convenience. It’s to notice what supports your goals—and what quietly undermines them.
Step 5: Find the Triggers and Tendencies
Look for patterns in:
Time of day: Do you spend more in the evenings or late at night?
Mood: Are certain purchases tied to exhaustion, sadness, or stress?
Location: Are you more likely to overspend in certain stores or apps?
Timing: Do paydays trigger binge-spending followed by restriction?
Your audit isn’t just about categories. It’s about context.
When you name the why, you can change the when, how, and how often.
Step 6: Separate the One-Time from the Recurring
Not all expenses are equal.
A $300 medical bill or a once-a-year registration fee might distort your sense of financial “failure” if you don’t separate them from recurring patterns.
Mark:
One-time costs (surgeries, car repairs, travel)
Recurring leaks (subscriptions, overspending triggers)
Seasonal trends (holidays, back-to-school, end-of-quarter business tools)
Unknown or duplicate charges (that can be cancelled or corrected)
Once you’ve separated these, your real spending patterns will become clearer.
Step 7: Decide What to Keep, Edit, or Eliminate
This part is strategic, not moral. No one is banning your iced coffee.
Ask yourself:
What do I want to keep—because it adds value?
What do I want to reduce—because I use it, but it could be less frequent?
What do I want to eliminate—because it no longer fits my priorities?
What do I want to replace—with something more aligned or less expensive?
This is the financial version of decluttering. Don’t just slash expenses. Curate your spending.
Step 8: Turn the Audit Into a System (Without Over-Tracking)
Now that you have visibility, set a light system to keep an eye on your spending—without micromanagement.
Options include:
A once-a-month review using the same categories
A simple dashboard or notebook to mark “supportive” vs. “stress” spending
Weekly 10-minute check-ins to scan for leaks
An app that sends spending summaries—but doesn’t require daily logging
The goal is maintenance, not obsession.
Final Thought
Asking “Where did the money go?” is not a sign of failure. It’s a sign you’re ready for clarity.
When you audit your spending with compassion and precision, you give yourself the power to choose again—this time with your eyes open and your values in hand.
You don’t need to punish past decisions. You need to design forward from awareness.
The money didn’t just disappear. Now, neither will you.
— Sloane MacRae
